Not Another Simonette Tragedy
by SimonSeville27
Summary: First off, this is a satire and the story is not to be taken seriously. This isn't in response to any particular FanFic, but to the trend of putting Simon and Jeanette into countless insulting un-Simonnete roles without explanation.


**Not Another Simonette Tragedy**

**I've decided to rewrite this top message after a message I received about this story. I want to be more clear about why I wrote this. **

**People love Alvin and the Chipmunks into their late 20s and beyond for one simple reason, they relate to the characters. This story has nothing to do with any one shot or full length story that shows the path of an original character to a darker side of themselves. I'm not trying to address this satire at Simonette suicides that explain how the Simon or Jeanette we all know and love went on to a darker path. These stories play a valuable role in FanFiction as they serve as warnings to those that relate to a traditionally stable character, that they are not immune to falling victim to a darker path.**

**What I take personal issue with is stories that without explanation, essentially rewrite the characters into something they are not. These stories don't serve the purpose that many other one-shots do, which is to give a warning about a dark path we can all fall into. These stories simply insult the character and in turn, those who personally relate to them.**

**I feel so closely related to the character of Simon, that I feel insulted when he is portrayed, without justification, as an evil, selfish beast. Because it feels as if I am also being insulted. When you read this satire, I ask you to take the character you most love, whether it is Alvin, Brittany, Theodore, or Eleanor, and think what it must feel like to read this story, feeling that it portrays you in this manner. I can tell you from personal experience, it doesn't feel good.**

**I don't want to insult anybody by writing this story, nor do I want to discourage people from writing fan fiction. I just want people to understand that there are many Simonette fans and other fans that take their characters a little more seriously than others. I just want authors to remember that these are not just characters to many of us.**

**This story is dedicated to the Simons and Jeanettes of the world. My hope is that we can read a story, knowing that when we get to the end, we won't ask ourselves, "Do people really think of me that way?"**

He wasn't one to admit it, but he always wore jewelry. Of course it was because he was scared to death not to. After all, if Brittany caught him without that locket with the glamor photo of her in it, she'd probably deck Alvin right then and there. The truth was, he hated it. It only served as a reminder.

Alvin loved his little brother, Theodore. More than anything in the world, he didn't want to hurt him. That's why he was with Brittany in the first place. He knew Theo had his eyes on Eleanor ever since she showed up in school. Every fake kiss and hug he ever had with Brittany served only as a reminder of his true love, Eleanor.

Then everything changed. His brother had spent years working up the courage to ask Eleanor out. It was frankly quite sickening to Alvin that such a great package was being wasted like a box with no return label at USPS. The truth was, Theodore knew how Alvin felt about Eleanor. He didn't want to break his brother's heart. That is why he did it.

Without regret, Theodore looked down, and hurled himself off the top of the building. He left no note for his family, only one for Alvin.

When Alvin heard the news he was devastated. A month later, after daily counseling from his far more stable brother, Simon, Alvin was able to move on. The final step in Simon's perfectly planned therapy was to open the note. That is when it truly began.

The note said only three words, but they were enough to let Alvin know what he had to do.

"She's yours. –Theo"

Alvin jumped in his car and immediately headed for the Miller house. He was cured and she was available.

He kicked open the door, ran up the stairs and grabbed Eleanor. He kissed her passionately and yelled, "At last we can be together." Of course she was confused because she never could stand the sight of Alvin. The only reason she talked to the person she always described as, "That selfish, good for nothing sleezeball" is because he was the brother of her true love… Simon (Who doesn't love Simon after all?). Just as she was ready to throw him out the window, Brittany walked in. She looked at the two, kissing, and immediately knew what had to be done.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a revolver. She started to pull it up to her head, and screamed, "First I can't have my love, Simon, and now I can't have seconds." With that, she pulled the trigger. She too, was dead.

Eleanor pushed Alvin off herself and slapped him in the face. "Look what happened because of you! Why would you think I want anything to do with you?"

He touchingly replied, "Even Theodore saw it, that's why he hurled himself off the building. So we could be together."

Eleanor was devastated. "So because of you, I lost my sister, and the closest thing I would ever get to Simon, since I know he would never leave his only love, Jeanette." She ran downstairs in tears to the kitchen.

Alvin tried to comfort her. "I'm just as good as Theo or Simon. Watch, I'll eat all of the food in the cupboard while doing my math homework."

"It's too late" she replied.

In the heat of the moment, she grabbed a butcher knife from the drawer and slit her wrist. She was dead.

Alvin left the house devastated. He lost his only love, and that other person who was okay. But more importantly, he knew he would lose the respect of his brother, Simon. He did the only thing he could think of to solve the pain of his loss. He jumped in front of a high speed train, conveniently placed for the purposes of this story, next to the Miller home.

Simon was studying with Jeanette at the library when he got the call from Dave. "Simon, there was another suicide. Well actually three suicides. Brittany, Alvin, and Eleanor have taken their own lives."

Simon, let out a tear and hung up so that he could tell Jeanette.

Jeanette was also devastated for her loss, but knowing that there was nothing she could do moved on with her life. Simon and Jeanette went on to get married, and became very well-known and respected, throughout the world, not only for their multiple scientific inventions, but for their anti-suicide charity, the "Don't be like Alvittany-Theonor" foundation.

On the twentieth anniversary of their deaths, Jeanette and Simon had a silent dinner at home in remembrance of their family.

Simon looked at Jeanette, "I love you, my dear."

"I love you too." Jeanette replied.

"Jeanette? Do you ever wonder?"

"Wonder what, Simon?"

"Wonder what it would have been like if we were that unstable?"

"Simon, don't be ridiculous. It's like you never even saw the cartoon!"

**For the purposes of this story, I suspend the request in my profile about not insulting people. I deserve to be insulted on this one. :)**


End file.
